I’m wide awake, it’s the middle of the nii-ight, I’m standing in the dark, waiting up for the light.
Actually I’m laying on the couch, but close enough. It’s 5:15 am and I’ve pretty much been up since 2 when M woke up to eat. Tonight we tried a new strategy where Ari went in first to try to soothe him in hopes that he would go back to sleep without eating, but no luck. I’d really like to get M back to sleeping longer stretches. I know he can go longer without eating, but I think he likes the comfort of nursing to help him fall back asleep.
Unfortunately I don’t have the same surefire method for returning to sleep. Usually it’s not much of a problem, but tonight (and last night) my cold is getting the best of me. The good news is that I feel like my fever broke. The bad news is that I’m still achy and my face feels like an over-inflated beach ball.
And the sleep deprivation. Between waking up twice each night, spending 12 hours a week with germy children and running myself ragged by driving all over the world, I keep getting sick. This is the third time in about 6 weeks. I’m going for the record. Also, my jaw doesn’t seem to be lining up these days. What’s with that?
Speaking of driving, my car decided not to do that anymore. Turns out I need a new engine. A new, $8000 engine that may or may not be under warranty. The car is a measly 4.5 years old but it has 66,000 miles on it which is 6,000 more than it’s covered for. Fingers crossed that they’ll cut us some slack. Not too pleased with Mazda these days.
Oh, what else? I just took an online training on standardized assessment of foreign accent. I’m considering pursuing private accent modification clients again. Maybe I’ll write a post about that eventually. Part of the draw is that it’s non-medical. I’m looking for low-pressure work these days. Which is funny because I used to love the medical aspect of speech pathology. I guess I’m lucky to be in a field with such a wide scope to accommodate my changing priorities.
Really, I find myself ambivalent about getting my private practice going again. Sometimes I’ll read something that gets me excited, but more often than not I just want to pay the bills and spend as much time as possible with my baby. That’s fair, right? I’m pretty sure I’m biologically wired to want that.
And he’s really cute. I mean super super cute. Yesterday was a rough day because I was sick and feverish and all he wanted was to be held and bounced. I’m pretty sure he’s teething. But that’s his prerogative- he’s a baby. It’s so cool to see him gain new skills. He can now grab a toy and bring it to his mouth, actually enjoy toys, smile and laugh, push through his legs to stand, support his head most of the time, take turns in a cooing conversation, latch on his own when nursing, attend to a book. And he’s so big! So much change in less than 4 months.
When I write a post like this, I imagine myself 2, 5, or 10 years from now reading back on my current life. I imagine I’ll compare M’s milestones to any possible siblings’ and I imagine I’ll enjoy remembering this time in my life. Despite the sickness, weird jaw thing, car trouble, and work confusion, this is a pretty amazing time.